I put my hurt on the wrong person
An unsuspecting passerby who didn’t have any involvement
And I took every reaction
Every misstep
Every irreparable damaging thought
That you did to me
I did to him
I broke the wrong person
Because you broke me
In my previous posts I've talked about how completely broken I felt. Well during my point of brokenness I started talking to someone else. I had convinced myself that I was perfectly fine, that I was ready to move on. When in actuality I had taped my broken pieces together, and just pushed the pain back. You can only push things so far until they come rushing back to you. But at the time I wasn't even thinking of that. I just wanted to move on and not give anymore thought to what I've been through. However pushing my hurt down just made me accidentally hurt the new person I was with. Unknowingly I was putting this new person through the same ringer I went through. It wasn't what I intended to happen. It was never my intention to make someone else feel what I did. I tried my absolute hardest to be all that I could. To act like what I went through less than a month ago no longer had any type of hold on me. That was where I had messed up. Pretending that something didn’t happen to you only allows for the pain to grow and fester until you can no longer feel anything except for that pain. At one point I had started comparing the two. I would question why things didn’t work with the first guy and in doing so I was making the other feel less important. Or I would point out the differences in the two. How one would react when I did something versus the others response to the same action I did. It was terrible, and I knew deep down that it was terrible but I couldn’t stop. I was at the point where I was just harboring hurt feelings and being told that I was doing things wrong in my then relationship and just taking everything with a grain of salt. Was telling myself that I was happy, was drowning my own self at the expense of others. I finally knew I needed to end things when everyone in my life could tell I was in turmoil. I was trying to find myself again in someone who didn’t know the first thing about me. I needed to be by myself. When I explained that to the new person I had been with he felt the same way I did when the first guy had just left me and never explained why. He just continued to blame himself and he didn’t do anything wrong, but he had been where I was. There was no way that I could talk him out of the feeling of utter betrayal and hurt because I couldn’t even talk myself out of it. He was the wrong person for me to put my emotions on and to this day I forever feel horrible about it.
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