Let me start out by saying I’m sorry
I’m sorry that I let you into my life in a period where I wasn’t doing so hot
I’m sorry that we started out great but I let us fizzle when I noticed my cracks resurfacing
I’m sorry that you are a great guy who ended up with me
See you are what girls dream of
You are attentive
You are patient
You are sweet
You are positive
You know when to be assertive, you know when to fall back
I’m sorry that I took your heart and wasn’t prepared for knowing how to hold it
There wasn’t a class on how to protect something so pure
You didn’t deserve the whirlwind I put you through and continue to put you through
You didn’t deserve me taking your heart and because of the chaos of the whirlwind dropping your heart
To the boy whose heart I broke
I hope one day you will look at me and you won’t hold pain in your beautiful sunflower brown eyed gaze
You are the guy that every girl dreams of and I shouldn’t have corrupted you with my nightmare
This was an apology letter that I never felt confident enough to send. It was an apology for doing everything wrong when I had multiple chances to make things right. Every time I did something wrong and it was pointed out I never knew how to properly apologize. I didn’t feel like there were enough words in the dictionary for me to explain to tell this boy how utterly and deeply sorry I was. In the short time that we had been together I ruined him. Hence why I called myself a nightmare. It was a nightmare, it was like he was trapped even though I kept opening a door to allow him to escape. He just kept closing the door and continuing the fight. It was a ghoulish fight, he was giving it his all and here I was beaten and bruised ready to call it quits. He handed me his heart thinking that I would hold it gently and that I would hold it forever. I tried, but it was slippery, he had already been damaged before me and when my own past had came up behind me I dropped it. I didn’t mean too but I needed both hands to try and free myself from the grasp of the past. I never felt confident to send it because I felt like the moment he read it he would think they were excuses. I mean I had apologized so many times previously that it started to seem like a soundtrack on repeat. You can only apologize so many times for the same action before you realize that if the person was really sorry you wouldn’t continue to end up having the same conversation. If you happen to be reading this I just want you to know that until the day I take my last breath I am incredibly sorry for what happened between us. I wish we had met at a different time or that I had actually been okay and not battling my own demons but I don’t have a genie to make wishes so I will leave it at I’m sorry.
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