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How many

Writer's picture: Crystal YarboroughCrystal Yarborough

Updated: Jun 17, 2019



How many “I’m busy” is enough

How many “We’ll see” is enough

How many times can I give you the option to run away before you actually take it

How many times will it take for the eggshell feeling to be too much

How am I supposed to balance you and the demons

How do I tell you that your love needs to stay your love that I am not worthy of such delicacies

How do I make it apparent that I love you so much that I need to let you go

How can I push you away

But keep you at the same time

How do I make it seem mutual

When the whole time I’ve been calling the shots

How do I put the ball in your court to make you leave

How many “We’re just friends” is enough

How many “we’re taking it slow” is enough

How many till you finally leave and you gain peace?


 

Sometimes you have to question what you’re willing to go through for someone. I was inspired by the song Losing by H.E.R. It’s one of my favorite songs. In the song she is asking her significant other what their relationship status is. She wants to know if they are more than friends or if they’re just playing a game. She needs to know because she doesn’t want to keep questioning them. The question she continues to repeat is “what are we doing?”. Which made me wonder what other pressing question is there to ask someone you’re in the talking stage with. You wanna know if you’re actually in this for the long run or if this was just a fling. Everyone has a breaking point. And when you reach that breaking point the question you ask is “how did we get here?”. Or you ask “how many times did we have this conversation?”. When entering into a relationship of any kind you want to make sure that each person is comfortable, hence the need for asking questions. If you don’t know what limits there are to a person you may unknowingly hurt them or push them past their breaking point. As I said everyone has a breaking point, everyone has buttons that get pushed. So how many times are you willing to go back and forth with someone after you spill your soul to them and you get nothing in return? How long are you actually willing to have someone play with not only your mind but your heart too? When do you finally just walk away? This poem is meant to spark something in you. Maybe it’s meant to spark a deep emotion in you that has seen this path before. Or maybe you relate to this because you’ve been down this road before. Or Maybe it’s a voice that’s telling you that you need to ask yourself these questions. You can’t enter something not knowing your own limit, so ask yourself how many times can you do something, find your limit.


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